Sept 17, 2009 8:55:15 GMT -6
THIS FIC CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE EPISODE, ALBIFICATION.
Aftermath
By JT
Rated R for content. References to rape. Adult situations.
Word Count:785
Contains spoilers for the episode, "Albification."Summary: Gemma tries to keep control.
Gemma woke with a start. Her heart was thumping hard in her chest as she remembered her dream . . . Or was it? She shifted in the chair and her body let her know that it hadn't been a dream at all. It was real. It happened to her. There was no escaping it. She clutched Abel closer to her body and tried to forget the horror, but her mind wouldn't let her. She remembered it all. She felt it all again . . . The way they hit her and the way they took her over and over and over again in every conceivable way ... Until she thought she would die of the hurt. She could still feel his hot breath on her face as he threatened to come back and do it again. She fought the urge to scream. She knew that if she let it out, it might not stop and she couldn't afford to lose control, not now ... Not ever.
She looked down at the sleeping baby nestled in her arms. She concentrated on the way his tiny chest moved up and down, and the softness of his cheek against her fingers. The smell of his clean hair. She leaned back and took a deep breath. She knew she had to hold it together or 'they' would win. She couldn't let that happen. They had taken something from her, but she would be strong. She would hold it together for Jax . . . For Clay . . . For the club. She had to.
Gemma stood up slowly. With one more kiss, she placed Abel back in his crib. A few gentle strokes to his cheek and he quieted down and fell back to sleep. She straightened up and felt each ache all over again. It wasn't just her body ... Although with each step she felt the stabbing pain that threatened to engulf her. It was the loss of control. She couldn't fight them off. There were just too many of them. They were stronger then she was. She fought the panic that started to rise up again inside her. What if they came back? What if they tied her up and did it all again? She bit down on her knuckles and tried to gain control.
"I can't think about this now. I have to let it go."
She took a deep breath and walked toward the kitchen to make herself some tea. She noticed Tara sitting in the big chair in the living room. She was fast asleep. A sudden feeling of warmth came over as she thought about all Tara had done for her. She knew that Tara would keep her secret. She also knew it would be hard for her to lie to Jax, but her ethics as a doctor would prevent that from happening. Gemma had no doubt about that. Even though there was no love lost between them, Gemma knew that Tara wouldn't betray her confidence. She took the blanket from the couch and slowly draped it over Tara's sleeping form. She wished she could sleep as peacefully.
Gemma filled the kettle and tried to think of something else . . . Anything else but what had happened. She knew if Clay found out, all hell would break loose. She had to admit to herself that emotionally she just couldn't afford to be without him. She knew that both Clay and Jax and for that matter, all of SAMCRO would kill every single one of those pigs. It would happen right away and she was deeply afraid they would get caught and sent to prison. Panic set in. Who would take care of her if that happened? Who would protect her? Why didn't they protect her? How could they have let this happen? She placed her hand over her mouth and quietly started to sob.
*Don't let go. Don't lose control. Keep quiet or Tara will wake up.
She knew Tara would try to comfort her. She also knew that if she let herself go, it would take everything to gain control back and she had nothing left. As she reached for the kettle, she felt her hand shake.
She got herself under control and poured hot water into her cup. She sat at the table and sipped the hot liquid, not tasting it. Tomorrow she would have to face Clay and Jax again.
*I can do it. I know I can.
She leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. It would be hard, but she knew she would keep control for her family’s sake ... And for her own as well.
The end.
Aftermath
By JT
Rated R for content. References to rape. Adult situations.
Word Count:785
Contains spoilers for the episode, "Albification."Summary: Gemma tries to keep control.
Gemma woke with a start. Her heart was thumping hard in her chest as she remembered her dream . . . Or was it? She shifted in the chair and her body let her know that it hadn't been a dream at all. It was real. It happened to her. There was no escaping it. She clutched Abel closer to her body and tried to forget the horror, but her mind wouldn't let her. She remembered it all. She felt it all again . . . The way they hit her and the way they took her over and over and over again in every conceivable way ... Until she thought she would die of the hurt. She could still feel his hot breath on her face as he threatened to come back and do it again. She fought the urge to scream. She knew that if she let it out, it might not stop and she couldn't afford to lose control, not now ... Not ever.
She looked down at the sleeping baby nestled in her arms. She concentrated on the way his tiny chest moved up and down, and the softness of his cheek against her fingers. The smell of his clean hair. She leaned back and took a deep breath. She knew she had to hold it together or 'they' would win. She couldn't let that happen. They had taken something from her, but she would be strong. She would hold it together for Jax . . . For Clay . . . For the club. She had to.
Gemma stood up slowly. With one more kiss, she placed Abel back in his crib. A few gentle strokes to his cheek and he quieted down and fell back to sleep. She straightened up and felt each ache all over again. It wasn't just her body ... Although with each step she felt the stabbing pain that threatened to engulf her. It was the loss of control. She couldn't fight them off. There were just too many of them. They were stronger then she was. She fought the panic that started to rise up again inside her. What if they came back? What if they tied her up and did it all again? She bit down on her knuckles and tried to gain control.
"I can't think about this now. I have to let it go."
She took a deep breath and walked toward the kitchen to make herself some tea. She noticed Tara sitting in the big chair in the living room. She was fast asleep. A sudden feeling of warmth came over as she thought about all Tara had done for her. She knew that Tara would keep her secret. She also knew it would be hard for her to lie to Jax, but her ethics as a doctor would prevent that from happening. Gemma had no doubt about that. Even though there was no love lost between them, Gemma knew that Tara wouldn't betray her confidence. She took the blanket from the couch and slowly draped it over Tara's sleeping form. She wished she could sleep as peacefully.
Gemma filled the kettle and tried to think of something else . . . Anything else but what had happened. She knew if Clay found out, all hell would break loose. She had to admit to herself that emotionally she just couldn't afford to be without him. She knew that both Clay and Jax and for that matter, all of SAMCRO would kill every single one of those pigs. It would happen right away and she was deeply afraid they would get caught and sent to prison. Panic set in. Who would take care of her if that happened? Who would protect her? Why didn't they protect her? How could they have let this happen? She placed her hand over her mouth and quietly started to sob.
*Don't let go. Don't lose control. Keep quiet or Tara will wake up.
She knew Tara would try to comfort her. She also knew that if she let herself go, it would take everything to gain control back and she had nothing left. As she reached for the kettle, she felt her hand shake.
She got herself under control and poured hot water into her cup. She sat at the table and sipped the hot liquid, not tasting it. Tomorrow she would have to face Clay and Jax again.
*I can do it. I know I can.
She leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. It would be hard, but she knew she would keep control for her family’s sake ... And for her own as well.
The end.
